felix

1. Two blondes walk into a building.......... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..." 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off". 8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle. 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual." 13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy" 14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start." 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,go for it.' 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin. 19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!" 20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "You got any bread?" Bartender says "only drinks and chips mate". Next day the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender "You got any bread?" Bartender says "like I told you yesterday only drinks and chips mate" Next day the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender "You got any bread?" Bartender says "listen you feathered freak, next time you come in here and ask for bread I'll nail your feet to the floor" Next day the duck walks into the bar and asks "you got any nails?" Bartender says "no" Duck says "you got any bread?"

A bear walks into a bar... Bartender says "Why the big pause"? ~~ Two peanuts were walking across a park, one of them was assaulted.

I knew a girl at Uni named Wei

2 posts (well 3 now) equals trolling? Well fark me gently with a chainsaw.

what's really cool is that if you click an expired link, it shows that address that was created from that link. Imagine what one could do if one was a vindictive person..... Also, I still have invites, PM me with an email addy to send to.

What happens when you spank the monkey??

Firstly welcome into the light.... Second, you should be fine so long as you re-apply SP3 after you install Outlook. Then go and do the auto-update also. F.

I'd do the same but there is far too much effort required to extract invite addresses from emails. If anyone wants an invite after the above are taken, just PM me with an email address and I'll pop one off to you. I think I have the 50 available.

What you are asking to do is illegal. This forum does not condone illegal activity, regardless of purpose. There are plenty of other forums out there with lower standards and far less professional reputations that may help you.

One of my friends sent me a GMail invitation 2 days ago which was nice and it got me to thinking. Perhaps we could have a thread where people could negotiate the transfer of invitations. Once negotiated they would be sent by PM or eMail. Once I get some I'll be happy to share as most of my friends who want a GMail account already have one. F.

Your link doesn't seem to work. Here's mine: http://www.libervis.com/modules/news/article.php?storyid=98

Try here, closest on Pan-America Acer site. http://www.acerpanam.com/synapse/forms/p...id=3394#results Other than that, go to the Acer site for your country, then to downloads and see if your model is there.

Yes, Right click on "My Computer" then properties, then the advanced tab, then the environment variables at the bottom, then change the entries for "tmp" and "temp" to where ever you want to go.

What you need to do is get on your domain controlller (which i assume is also your DNS server otherwise get on your DNS server) and set a DNS forward zone and point it to either your ISP gateway or your ISP DNS. This way it forwards all unknown DNS requests to another server who hopefully knows. Mind you, I'm still getting my head around DNS issues on my own DC so I could be completely wrong. If this is the case, Clutch or someone similar will correct me pretty quick.

What were those sticks in "Demolition Man" called that glowed blue and knocked you out when they touched your head? Target acquired.

Given that nobody here is paid to answer your question, you should appreciate any assistance you get! Maybe people just haven't experienced this problem. Or maybe like me, they just don't care.

Well that's the most intelligent snippet of prose I've seen in the 2.5 hours I've been awake today.

Argh argh brains argh Oldest. post. ever. (props to Comic Book Guy) - well it isn't but who cares (Phillip locked the absolute oldest ones) 2145.720235 days since started (I think)

If this solution still works, I don't mind that much. However on that line, Phillip, is there anyway to automatically lock threads that have been inactive for 6+ months?

The way I usually do it is to log into your provider FTP server, find a largish file (10-15mb) and crank it that way you're only dealing with the speed back to your provider backbone rather than their connection to the net. I think this gives the best indicator of actual connection speed.

Just noticed that my Yahoo! mail account now has a storage of 1gb. There is a lack however of "no need to delete, just archive" messages.

GMail is an interesting social experiment organised by the Google folks where the bottom line is to create more advertising opportunities for them to sell. However the world has seen the rise and expansion of the GMail phenomenon: "Gmail was announced exactly one year ago, on the April Fool’s Day last year, and has forever changed the history of web mail. Well, at least in terms of mailbox size. I thought it was a joke last year, but no one is doubting its existence by now. It has became my secondary email account since I got mine June last year, and meanwhile it has grown so many new features - except it has not grown out its “beta” status." --from http://scott.yang.id.au/2005/04/one-year-of-gmail/ So the service gets announced and everyone gets excited, from "yay a new toy/service" excited to "my god google will search/read/archive all my mail and hold it against my great grandchildren" excited by the tin-foil hat brigade. In the beginning GMail was exclusive and a good tool for people who wanted to email big stuff or those who just say "ha I'm cool and have a gmail account" but these people are the ones who know first hand what an atomic wedgie feels like. At one point people were auctioning off GMail invites on eBay etc for silly sums and now I can't give mine away. The amount you can use keeps increasing, just sit at http://gmail.com for a while and watch the counter spin - I have 2140+MB available. I could actually give two ducks about the 2GB of space and the colours and the archiving etc etc. The main thing I care about is the free forwarding to another email account which is what I wanted so I can easily change ISP when I get pissed off and just redirect my mail. I could use Yahoo or Hotmail premium packages but I don't want to pay for it when I already pay for the internet. Funny thing is you have to make 3 seperate actions to delete any mail, it's like they don't want to lose your data (argh get my tin-foil hat) but I don't get spam from them and it's free so I don't care.

Firstly - no w.arez or other illegal stuff on this site. Phillip has worked hard to get it a good reputation. Secondly - if it's a legitimate problem with your CD/DVD drive, contact support, they may have a solution (see 3 below). If they can't help, install some ad-ware scanners, update your virus scanner and then do a search for such software on Google. Thirdly - disable any drive emulation software on your machine ie CloneCD, Nero etc etc Fourth - Don't rant at me for posting the first one.

Hi all, Just got an email from my sister who said the following: Hello; From your Youngest Sister I need your help. We are having trouble with sending e-mails. All our names are been blocked, as in ########### Some how some one at this end has done something and now I don't know how to change it back. I'll write all our names under here so u can see; ########### ########## Emma Katy Any suggestions? Love Kaz This one has me stumped. THey are running ME and Outlook Express 6.0 was the sender. Any ideas? I didn't think OE had that kind of tool built in. Ta. F.