Advice on dealing with Telemarketers

[BenChase 0]

Greetings, everyone.

 

Now I know that there probably isn't anyone that enjoys receiving calls from telemarketers. The question that I pose to everyone is, what ways have you used to prevent or discourage these people from calling you?

 

Here are some of the tactics that I use on telemarketers:

 

 

 

1 - Play the "Knight Rider" theme song very loudly in the background, and make up $exually-oriented lyrics, singing along with the music. (I no longer get calls from World Gym due to this)

 

2 - When a telemarketer starts talking about the BS he/she is trying to offer you, appear interested, but then quickly interrupt them saying, "Hold on, I have another call, please hold." Do not put them on hold, instead, play some soft music next to the phone and periodically state, "Please hold". After about 5 minutes or so, turn off the music and say, "Thank you for holding." Hang up.

(AT&T REALLY was upset at me for that one...lol)

 

3 - If you have caller ID, most telemarketer numbers will appear as "Unavailable". In such cases (since everyone that I know has a number or name pop up), I answer the phone, "Dr. Goldstein's clinic for Chronic Masturbators, how may I help you?" To date, every person has hung up after hearing that.

 

4 - Upon hearing the call is from a telemarketer, respond with quick, hurried answers...appear that you are extremely nervous. Have someone in the background shouting, "Please! Please! Don't cut off my fingers! I didn't do it!" Put the phone down, take a large butcher knife and slam it down on the cutting board, followed by your friends screams. Hang up. Laugh histerically.

 

5 - Upon hearing the call is from a telemarketer, ask the person if they know any good Preparation-H flavors. Tell them you are unsatisfied with the normal flavor. (Try not to laugh)

 

6 - Appear to be a retarded person, and ask them questions that make absolutely no sense. See how long you can keep them on the phone without laughing.

 

7 - Ask the telemarketer what he/she is wearing. Ask them if they are into silk and satin stuff. Ask if he/she is for sale, offer $15 for total anal domination. Hang up if they accept the offer, hang up if they dont.

 

and...probably the worst thing I ever did to a telemarketer:

 

8 - Explain to them just how worthless and pathetic they are. Tell them that their lives will never about to more than a pile of cat dookie. Tell them that if they ever call you again, that you will skin them alive and use the skin to make lampshades.

(I did this)

 

Enjoy

 

- Ben

[Brian Frank 0]

We got so sick of them, we got this $10 button that goes between the phone and the incoming physical line. If you feel pestered by the call, just hit the button for the message: "This number does not accept this type of call. Please remove it from you list."

They are legally supposed to do this, too.

 

It's not as funny though.

[BenChase 0]

Yep, if you tell them specifically that such calls are unwanted and that they are not allowed to call your house ever again, then further attempts by them to do so, constitutes legal harassment. I'm curious to see who else employs amusing methods of dealing with these individuals... lol

 

-Ben

[Brian Frank 0]

You've posted the funniest ways I've ever seen. I probably wouldn't do half of them, but they're funny as hell.

[clutch 1]

Nicely done.

 

The only other thing that I other ways I have heard of screwing with them was:

 

1. A friend picked up the phone, and was asked something from a telemarketer. He then stated that he didn't have the time to talk to him, but offered to call back later. The telemarketer stated that the didn't have a direct line, and wouldn't be able to be reached. So, my friend responds with

 

"No problem, just give me your home number and I'll call you later tonight."

 

The telemarketer responded "Sorry sir, but I would be off work and wouldn't be interested in taking the call at that time."

 

"Funny, I feel the same way, yet here you are calling me." was my friend's reply right before he hung up.

 

2. A telemarketer "from" Sprint (or was she?) called to offer me some wonderful new deal. I asked

 

"you are from Sprint? I have a friend that works for Sprint and he never mentioned you. How do I know that you work for Sprint?"

 

"Well sir, I can assure you that I.."

 

"Assurance is no proof, I can't see your listing on my caller ID, and I am suppose to take your word for it? I get calls from Sprint for other things, and yet I can see their numbers all the time."

 

Pause. "Uhm, actually, I work for a call center that is a contractor for Sprint right now, so I..."

 

"Ohhh, so now you DON'T work for Sprint, do you? Well, I have no time for liars!"

 

Then, I hung up.

 

[EddiE314 0]

usually i and a few friends pass the phone back and forth telling the telemarketers to hold on that they have the wrong person, or i'll give the phone to someone else who proceeds to tell the telemarketer that if he agrees to anything or even talks to them that he will be beaten by his drunk father.

[Brian Frank 0]

Sort of off topic (as usual): Every now and then, we get a call from people calling Northeastern MRI. Our phone # is really close, and people screw it up, including some companies.

Me: Hello...hello?

Them: Is this NE MRI?

Me: Nope. Wrong number.

Them: Oh, I'm sorry.

Me: Don' worry, we get this call rather often.

It's entertaining

[BenChase 0]

I cursed another one of these morons out tonight!! Into the hellfire with them!